It’s been a long, long…long time…


So, I realized this morning that it’s been too long since I’ve written anything here. My reasons for that are both good and terrible. Short answer, I got a new phone. That may sound like a ridiculous reason to stop posting, but hear me out! On my old phone, I had links to my WordPress account saved in my bookmarks, I click one, it automatically logs me in. Ta da! Technology at its finest. When I got my new phone I was standing at the counter at the phone store and the guy tells me to back up all my info, reset the phone and remove my sd card. Oh no! Backing up my info is something I should’ve done last night! So I quickly did a backup of everything I thought was important, pictures on the SD card, check! Contacts all conveniently attached to a Gmail address, check! Bookmarks attached to Chrome, check! Without thinking to myself, I didn’t always use Chrome. I had manymanymany bookmarks still listed under the Android browser. But, I have MS, my brain doesn’t process as quickly or clearly as it used to. I honestly didn’t even think of all those bookmarks to research I was conducting, and to important sites like, yep, my WordPress account.
The aforementioned inability to process as quickly or clearly as I used to, plus my swiftly waning superpower of remembering everything, it was literally a case of out of sight, out of mind. Without the helpful bookmarks that would magically transport me through cyberspace and automatically log me into my WordPress account, I literally forgot that I had one. Of course, I’m a dead brain walking, so cut me some slack.
So. After several weeks the little hamster in my brain woke up and slowly and rotundly began ambling along in his wheel, and a couple of lights flickered on and off in there, and eventually I realized, egads! It’s been ages since I posted to the blog that I suddenly remembered that I have! I’ve got so much research that I’d planned on writing about and it’s all right here in my bookmar…oh. Those bookmarks have long since disappeared into the aether.
Another few weeks went by, and occasionally I’d kick that fat, lazy hamster in the ass and tell him, run damn you! I know there are ideas in this damaged brain of mine, I need more power to light the dusty and disorganized mental file room! The fat little hamster just ambled slowly along in his squeaky wheel, and the lights flickered on and off some more. Having no idea of what I should research for my next article, I opted to watch more Netflix.
But then this morning, after waking in tremendous pain, and while reaching for my glasses so that I could take some medication and get up and stretch, I instead knocked my glasses onto the floor. Finding and picking things up off the floor is not my forte if I CAN see. Oh, if only you could see me struggle to first get down on the floor, then after some short while of searching I either find what I’m searching for, or decide that being on the floor is entirely too painful, then struggle with much straining and shaking of unused muscles, a behemoth struggling against both the forces of gravity and inertia, slowly and unsteadily amidst a cacophony of moans, grunts, and cursing at the gods I eventually rise. Upon standing (if you could call the hunched and uneven posture of pain and disappointment to be a standing position), I mentally, but certainly not physically, throw my arms into the air in the classic Rocky pose of triumph, then swiftly collapse onto the bed to recover from my ordeal. This, all on a good day.
However, today, since it was pain that woke me in the first place, and since it was my my glasses that I needed to retrieve, I decided to err on the side of caution. I figured I was likely to find myself stuck on the floor, and even more likely to break the glasses I was trying to find. Guess what happened to the last pair of glasses I couldn’t find on the floor, may they rest in peace. So…this morning I decided to reach down and feel around on the floor for them. Of course, this particular pair of frames are brown on top and clear on the bottom, and my vision is very swiftly waning, having jumped a full -2 points in less than 6 months time, (thank the lord that there are multiple sites from which I’m able to order extremely reasonably priced frames and lenses, however, I still spend more on the lenses than on the frames, anti-glare coating and shipping alone), but point being, I cartainly couldn’t SEE the glasses on the floor, and needing two hands for my divining rods, but only able to reach one from the bed to the floor, I proceeded to feel my way along every surface, examine everything that came into contact with my hand, and the longer I laid there, half hanging off the bed, arm extended to its furthest reach, muscles screaming in protest, I found myself cursing under my breath, apparently more forcefully than I realized, because the husband I was trying not to wake at 6am murmured resignedly, “What did you drop?” Well, too late, he was already awake, so in comes the cavalry! Two seconds later, glasses in hand, I heaved myself from the bed and decided to sit outside, watch the sunrise, and wait for the bulk of my aches and pain to subside. It’s been an hour and I’m sad to report, “No change! No change at all!” Soon the hideous doctors are going to send in an equally gimpy representative from the colony of gimps where I will henceforth be secreted away. (Not those kind of gimps! Get your mind out of the gutter…)
So, sitting outside, trying to enjoy the sunrise and ignore the screaming pain thundering throughout my body, the fat and lazy hamster who keeps my dying brain in working order woke up, climbed into his wheel, and ran for all he was worth! Lights came on all over the place! My brain shouted: WordPress blog, time to write! But then the lazy hamster ran out of breath and went back to sleep. I had no ideas for what I might research and what I might write about, but those ideas slipped off into the aether and joined my lost bookmarks.
Still, I would not be deterred! No! I was going to make an effort to make a blog post, and nothing short of death or a narcoleptic sleeping fugue would stop me!
First order of business, login! Soo…what was my password again? Twenty minutes and several tries later, eureka! Then I began to write, and that brings us up to this very moment. We are now all on the same page, provided I haven’t already bored or scared off anyone. Maybe you are my one remaining faithful reader. That’s right…YOU! Right there. Thanks for hanging in there. 🙂
There will be more to come; soon I hope. In the meantime, if you have any questions about MS, psychology, chronic pain, or even life, the universe, and everything, feel free to ask. You may leave any questions in the comments section. This will help me out, as I lost all of my previous research, and even if I don’t know the answer to your question, I do love a good research project. 😀 Just…nothing math related, please. Math has never been my forte, and now so much more difficult due to my lack of cognitive abilities and memory loss. But, anything besides math, I’m all ears. Er, eyes. 😉
(Written but not dictated nor read. 03/10/2015)